Be The Change

When we mention relationships there is a tendency to automatically think of intimate relationships. A consideration for all of us at some stage in our lives is searching for a partner.

Conventional wisdom would have us believe that we need to find someone who ‘completes us’ and we are all familiar with the clichés about ‘finding the one’ and ‘better halves’ etc.

I challenge you to think differently about this for a few minutes.

Task-IconConsider the answers to these two questions:
1. If you are complete and whole just as you are, why do you need a partner?

2. If you choose to be with a partner, what is it you are actually trying to obtain from such an experience?

When we look outside ourselves for some form of distraction, we can never hope to fill that empty void within us.  First, we must be proficient at loving ourselves.  After all, can two broken people really hope to fix each other?  Maybe, maybe not.  

So often, people demand perfection from others and get frustrated when they don’t measure up.  Yet they have no intention of being that loving presence in return.  

Friendship can be the best foundation for any relationship. By being your own best friend you can teach others how to love and respect you.

If you currently have wonderful relationships, remind yourself how grateful you are to have them. Regularly show appreciation to those people.

It’s a simple equation – if you give love, you will attract love.

Task-IconClick below to open handout and complete the partner qualities list.
1. Write down a list of qualities you are looking for in a partner.

2. Once complete, reflect on each point and honestly ask yourself:
i) do I also embody these qualities?
ii) what do I need to develop within myself to attract the right person?

Romantics value intensity over stability.  Realists value security over passion. But both are often disappointed, for few people can live happily at either extreme”

Esther Perel